Jason’s take:
We skipped a year. Sorry. It’s not that you can’t find silver linings in even the darkest days. It’s that sometimes something just isn’t a good idea. And you can choose not to do things that are bad ideas. That’s fine.
But we’re back! Better than ever. Or…at least back at the level we were previously. We’re probably about the same as always. We certainly haven’t regressed, if that’s what you’re thinking.
Casey’s take:
Things That Didn’t Suck 2021 – The Back To Normal-ish Edition!
First off, we’re so sorry for last year. Truth is, some years are so bad, not even the Giltner Brothers can slap smiling face masks on and delude ourselves into thinking they’re salvageable. Last year was one of those years. But the year that must not be named is well behind us. We can look forward — by looking backward — at the glory and monstrosity that was 2021. Before you say, “but Casey, Brett, & Jason, 2021 still really sucked!” Don’t worry, we know. But it’s not our job to list all the reasons 2021 still sucked. You’ve got the Washington Post (Jeffrey Bezos!) for that. No, our only job is to mine the chasms of shit and bring forth the few diamonds that managed to transcend the poop-tastic year that was 2021. After all, Omicron is on the horizon, so let’s celebrate our brief foray back to normal-ish-ness, and with it, a few things that didn’t totally suck, from a year that otherwise, did in fact, still totally suck.
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17. Michelle Zauner
If you perused our lists of our favorite albums and songs, you might have noted our love for the band Japanese Breakfast. Responsible for our collective #2 album of the year (Jubilee) and #4 song of the year (Be Sweet), it was the band that soundtracked the majority of our 2021.
If you also happened to glance at our favorite books list though, you’ll recognize the name from our book of the year (Crying in H Mart).
On top of all that, Be Sweet was also Casey’s daughter’s favorite pre-nap time music video (closely followed by Bleachers – Chinatown and Phoebe Bridgers’ cover of Fake Plastic Trees).
Michelle Zauner was a dominant force in the Giltner households all year long. Long may she reign. She gave us a newfound love for gong-usage in pop music (See: Paprika). She made me cry my eyes out re-living the near death of my own mother. She gave me the urge to explore Korean food in greater detail. And she gave us a near-perfect, front-to-back album of pure joy inducing music during a two year stretch otherwise marked by death, depression, and turmoil. To MZ, we say thank you, and a hearty huzzah.
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16. QR Codes – The Comeback
Think of the great comeback stories in history:
Rocky Balboa vs. Apollo Creed
The 1980 US Men’s Hockey Team
Neville Longbottom (& the actor who played him)
Now, look at this QR Code usage index:
QR codes had become a very particular piece of our lives. Namely: one we didn’t care for. In 2014 we were promised they would change our lives, and then we went and got distracted by Edward Snowden, Smart Watches, and ISIS.
Evolution isn’t an actual force, just a word to describe the natural process by which the strong survive. Sometimes history doesn’t move as a result of good intentions, but by sudden, cataclysmic events. If we speak in more platitudes you’ll probably stop reading.
Nothing adapted to COVID-era uncertainty better than QR Codes, and their ability to push us to a hands-free future. Walk in a restaurant, scan the QR Code. That’s life now. And honestly, we love it. Because we’re already on our phones – reading about the end of the world or looking at pictures of ourselves – so why look away, ever?
Does this reality feel a bit like a Black Mirror episode? Yes. Might that be a bad thing? Sure. But for this particular moment, where our favorite taco joint no longer serves the tables directly and just allows us to order for ourselves, we love it. I already know what I’m going to order. 3 fish tacos. Chips & guac. Modelo. Let’s get this show on the road.
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15. Perspective, Part 1
Introducing, the Perspective series. You’ll find four of these throughout the list. These are fictional vignettes, meant to find the most oddly specific of silver linings in our COVID-age realities. Because with each new twist COVID throws our way, there’s always an unexpected new silver lining. Not that these strange linings outweigh the downsides – no, not at all. COVID sucks. It’s terrible. But still, it was fun to create a few fictional scenarios where it wasn’t ALL bad.
Imagine if you will:
The surgery was a terrible failure. I never should have trusted a surgeon who accepts coupons. Least of all a surgeon who runs 40% Off Black Friday sales.
Tonight, I am hungry. I would like to make a stew. The recipe calls for many rare ingredients – spices and such – many of which I do not own. A trip to the store is in order.
I peruse the aisles of my local grocer. What exactly is cumin? Where does one find tomato paste? The mysteries of the supermarket are perplexing and vast. I make eye contact with a young child wearing a Scooby Doo t-shirt. I didn’t know Scooby Doo was still on the air. I worry that the child is onto me – aware of my confusion, my outsider status in this world of fluorescent lights and car-sized crates of cereal.
The child looks at me, but then, as if by magic, right past me.
Beneath my mask I am anonymous. My past is irrelevant. My future is immaterial. All that matters is now. This. Tomato paste. The world knows me only for my eyes. I can convey rage, fear, love. I can be whoever I want to be, beneath my mask.
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14. Early Childhood Education
BRETT: This one’s for the parents out there. Since our last run at this in 2019, Casey has become a father.
JASON: So we’ve allowed him two paragraphs to write about some issue only him and his fellow, old-ass, out-of-touch, parents will care about.
CASEY: Thanks. I think…
A quick timeline:
- March 11, 2020 – Tom Hanks gets Covid
- March 13, 2020 – I am laid off from my law firm
- March 21, 2020 – My daughter Ingrid is born
Stay-at-home father was not on my bucket list. But with no job, a pandemic, and no child care centers open, well, that’s what I became.
It was pleasant enough. I’m sure I’ll look back on that first year of her life fondly, despite everything transpiring around me, thankful for all the time I got to spend with her that I wouldn’t have gotten in a normal year.
But by mid-2021, my fondly remembered bonding time was maxed out. Papa needed a return to some semblance of normal. So in July 2021, desperately needing to socialize our quarantine baby, and by then, somewhat assured she wouldn’t come home with Covid, we sent her to daycare.
The hours of 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. became mine once again! And having been unceremoniously removed from my law career, I could seek a fresh start. I’d been out of the work force for 16 months, but the world was now my oyster. Those of you who know me well, know about the second career I’d been pursing for years already as a Screenwriter. Well, this was my chance to finally go full, 100% down that road.
Before spending those 16 months with Ingrid, I honestly had not given too much thought to the economics of child care. But like with most political issues, it helps to be confronted with something directly.
Because Reader, let me tell you. I LOVE DAYCARE. It put it bluntly — It’s fucking awesome. Does it occasionally deliver me home the odd stomach flu or Hand Foot & Mouth disease? Yes. But I assure you, vomiting once or twice (or five times) a month is a small price to pay for those nine glorious hours of freedom. Nine glorious hours in which I have been privileged enough to follow my heart and pursue a dream.
The closing of most child care centers for long stretches of 2020 means that daycare was never more appreciated than it was in 2021. Every child and every family should have early childhood education (or at least equal access and opportunity to it). The freedom it grants to parents to work, live, contribute, create – is truly game changing after you’ve gone without it. But as things currently stand, with large swaths of our population unable to afford it, we’re literally holding back the maximum potential of our workforce. Capitalism in its efficiency for ruthlessness has missed an opportunity for maximum potential. In Norway, the government contributes $29,726 per year, per kid toward child care. On average, rich countries average $14K. Here in the U.S….. $500. Thankfully, there’s an opportunity right now in Congress to rectify this situation-
JASON: He’s getting political!
BRETT: CUT HIM OFF!
CASEY:
#PassBuildBackBetter
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13. Perspective, Part 2 (these are fictional, remember)
Imagine, if you will:
“Grandpa has become unbearable since he joined that colonial re-enactment society. It’s always “the winter” this and “the king” that. He’s lost himself to the character – lost sight of who he is – who he was. Namely, a 75 year-old man with full pension, eight grandchildren, and a songwriting credit on The Monkees’ 1987 album “Pool It!” He never used to shut up about that songwriting credit. Now he pretends it doesn’t exist – electricity, that is.
“Recorded sound? An impossibility! Witch!”
It’s tearing the family apart. Grandma Carol spends her days tending candles in the shack he constructed down near the creek. Uncle Mark has gone into hiding. Aunt Jen has lost herself to nostalgia, compulsively scrapbooking together the good times.
Thanksgiving is canceled, we are informed. The new variant comes with too many unknowns. It’s best we don’t risk it. And truthfully, the family cannot handle another goat slaughter incident. Certainly not another lecture on the subject of corn yields. It’s for the best, sometimes.“
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12. STREAMING
When it comes to home entertainment, there was certainly no better time to be stuck at home. Anyone who’s anyone started streaming their content and most seemed hell-bent on outspending their competition. It was one hell of a dick-swinging contest in which no one is winning, well except for the O.G. Netflix, who just keeps on ticking along. But if you, like me, couldn’t keep track of all the new streaming apps and where you could find the best shows, well I’ve put together a handy dandy little guide:
Peacock
Did you like the Godfather but wish there were more horses and somehow more deaths? Check out Yellowstone.
HBO Max
If you want the app with the best content, look no further. If you want an app that works — Well, I’m sorry, but once you’re in HBO Max, you can never leave.
Paramount+
Not to be confused with CBS All Access. I hear The Good Fight is solidly above average.
Apple+
Did you know Tom Hanks has a new movie? Well, he does! With Robots!
Fitbit+
With their hit new show Steps! Come see Middle-aged Moms put to the ultimate test — out-stepping the yoga teacher from down the street.
PizzaPizza
All that hot and fresh Little Ceasars content you’ve grown to know and love.
Tubi
Free movies! Some are actually good! And commercials! You know the sort of commercials that used to only air at 3 a.m. on a Saturday night.
Nicktoon-Adult
Check out the critically acclaimed Live Action reboot of Rockos Modern Life and the 21+ Double Dare where every game is a drinking game.
Disney+
The parents out there already know this is where to find Bluey. But did you know you can also watch Yoko Ono knit a scarf for eight hours?
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11. The Predictable Orbits of Celestial Bodies
Self-explanatory.
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10. Things We All Agree On
Whether Republican or Democrat. Whether old or young. Whether Q-Anon or an unlicensed homeopathic medical practitioner living off-grid in Topanga Canyon. Whether human or canine. Whether United States or China or Russia or Bolivia.
Whether right-handed or left-handed. Whether innie or outie. Whether ten toes, twelve toes, webbed toes. Whether black hair, brown hair, blonde hair, red hair, pink hair, no hair, a coarse layer of protective fur. Whether real teeth, fake teeth, jars of unexplained teeth in the garage.
Whether fan of Sweet Baby Rays or not really a barbecue person.
Whether Hufflepuff or Slytherin (if you’re thinking but I’m Gryffindor, we all know you lied in your answers – you’re not that brave)
Whether rich or poor. Whether tall or short. Whether optimistic or cynical. Whether Beatles or Stones. Whether single or married. Whether fast or slow.
Whatever your past.
Whatever your future.
We all hate Mark Zuckerberg.
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9. Perspective, Part 3 (these are fictional, remember)
Imagine, if you will:
“Hi, my name is Charlie, Chuck for short. I’m six. Fun-loving. Neutered. I’m Paul’s dog.
Paul is great. We go to the dog park. Sometimes we run together. He gives me peanut butter in a series of complex devices.
Paul is a busy man. He’s always running around. But 21 months ago he stopped running around as much. Suddenly he was always home. He stopped leaving in the morning, and just like that, my routine of spending eight hours a day standing at the door waiting for him to come home vanished.
I don’t know the circumstances of this change in behavior. I’m a dog; I cannot understand complex thought. Isn’t it enough that I’m dictating this story in coherent English? All I know is that Paul used to leave in the morning, and now he doesn’t. In a way, I don’t want to know why. Ignorance is bliss, so says the wise old German Shepherd at the dog park.
I love you, Paul.“
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8. Hope for Small Market Sports Teams
When Giannis did this:
Followed by this:
On the back of this:
It gave hope to all the teams across the five major sports located in hot vacation destinations such as Detroit, Indianapolis, San Antonio, Buffalo, Salt Lake City, and of course, Sacramento, that they too could draft and develop a superstar who would not only stick around, but bring them to the promised championship land.
Now that Milwaukee has done it, in theory, anyone can do it. How many franchises will be ruined chasing in vain that rare 1/1000 event? Countless, we can only assume, starting with the New Orleans Pelicans this coming offseason.
Longtime readers may note: Hey, don’t you guys write about Giannis every year?
To which we’d respond: Yes, yes we do.
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7. Inflatable watercraft:
Specifically inflatable kayaks and inflatable stand up paddle boards. You may end up questioning their reliability when you’re hundreds of feet from shore with countless unseen lake monsters swimming beneath you, but we’ve used them literally dozens of times and haven’t sank yet. They’re easy to transport, set up, take down, really just super convenient in every way.
In addition, they’re great to use during a pandemic when you’re trying to stay outdoors and away from other people. And if any other kayakers get too close to you, you can fight them off with your paddle. That may not be sufficient to fend off the lake monsters, but that’s a chance you’ll have to take.
Look how much fun I’m having! This could be you!
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6. Perspective, Part 4 (these are fictional, remember)
Imagine, if you will:
“No one supported me when I dropped out of law school to start my business. Least of all my mother. Her only dream for me had been to see my name in a law firm’s logo. Sometimes I wonder if it was more of a dream for herself...
But I live in America. Land of freedom. Land of opportunity. Freedom to live your truth. Freedom to follow your dreams. Opportunity to turn those dreams into a business model. Opportunity to maximize profit margins, crush competition, toe the line of monopolistic practices. Opportunity for multiple generations of financial security.
My dreams were never torts and clauses. My sleeping dreams were volcanoes, never-ending staircases, asteroid missions, winning the quidditch world cup, empty elevator shafts. And my waking dream was to seamlessly connect the parallel lines between at-home-leisure-wear and business-casual-office-wear. Like every child.
Who says home is comfy and work is stuffy? Who says the fabrics we wear on our skin should be itchy, scratchy, coarse – sandpaper, steel wool, scouring pads? I see pants as a staple of a wardrobe. I believe in a future where we own a pair of pants, wear it for sports, then business meetings, then weddings, then funerals. Why should we gatekeep polite society?
That’s why I dropped out of law school, emptied my savings, and started Jogbus Pants in January of 2020. Jogbus is the fulcrum of form and function. Your favorite wardrobe staple. Ethically sourced by our team of dumpster divers at textile factories. They’re unreasonably expensive.
The first two months were tough. Sales trickled in like a trickle. The business had little financial runway – I had planned for immediate success. I was staring bankruptcy in the face. That’s when the letters from my mother started arriving. She loves sending letters. With her customized wax seal, of course. The letters spoke of general discontent, disppointment, a revision of her will. I had failed myself. I had failed the family.
And then news came of a terrible virus. A pandemic. I read the tea leaves of the newspapers as the final nail in my coffin. A low blow kick from a spiked boot. I considered liquidating my assets and boarding a flight for Argentina. Finding somewhere rural to settle down. Assume a new name. Live off the land. But then borders closed. There was nowhere to go – nothing to do. Life couldn’t be escaped. Not even to Argentina.
As I resigned myself to failure, the most amazing thing happened. Jogbus Pants found itself at the base of a tidal wave. A tidal wave of men vowing to never again wear denim, to never again wear whatever the hell khakis are made out of. To dress professionally and comfortably all at once. A tidal wave of a generation working behind a camera that only sees as low as their chest. The modern office had been revolutionized almost overnight, and with it, so had its fashion. Pants were now a suggestion. And if you were going to wear them, why shouldn’t they be comfortable?
Tomorrow, Jogbus Pants goes public. And the day after tomorrow, I will steal the Declaration of Independence.”
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5. Bo Burnham
We’ll save you another Bo Burnham think piece. It would only come out clumsy, and we’d only be adding to a small mountain of content on the man who advised us to stop producing so much damn content.
Instead, under the assumption we’re speaking to an audience that has already viewed Inside (and if not, what are you waiting for?), we’re just going to list our favorite, very specific moments. The moments
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This cross shot from Problematic:
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The lighting from 30:
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The whiteboard from Comedy:
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The ghillie suit from Bezos II:
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What TikTok has done with the Bezos songs:
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Nudity:
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4-layers of Bo:
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A goat cheese salad”
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Looking dramatically at the camera:
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Stand up. Find the flashlight. Cry three times. An all-too-real summation of quarantine.
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4. Midnight Mass
I can’t really talk too much about Midnight Mass without spoiling the glories and surprises of Midnight Mass. It’s our number 1 show of the year. It’s only seven episodes. There’s a monster! There’s blood! There’s Catholic guilt (So much guilt)! There’s countless monologues about death! I urge to take the ride yourself.
Trust the record of success. The creator of Midnight Mass, Mike Flanagan, is now 3 for 3. His other Netflix horror shows – The Haunting of Hill House and The Haunting of Bly Manor, have essentially set the new standard for the depth and richness of character we can expect from horror shows.
I hope Netflix gives this man and his expert troupe of actors and writers all the money and support necessary to repeat this feat for another twenty years. Coming up next year — Fall of the House of Usher.
Jason’s Take: It’s perfect.
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3. The Supply Chain
There’s nothing like a shortage to make one realize how much they rely on something. In the case of the supply chain, most of us were probably unaware of how much we relied on an invisible string of logistical mechanisms and shipyard politics. Season 2 of The Wire has never been more relevant!!!
But as I took stock of the times I had been foiled in my purchase attempts, when I really looked at the things that wasn’t able to get, was it anything I really needed? Did I suffer that much during the two weeks I couldn’t get those Korean BBQ Kettle Chips? Yes, significantly. But I suppose in the grand scheme of things, no, I didn’t need them. And has the delay in my attempt to buy a new Volkswagen ID4 All Electric Mini SUV made me suffer that much? Mother Earth, perhaps, but me — No, the ole 2006 Subaru Forester is still alive and kicking just fine.
I’m grateful for the amazing supply chain we’ve created as an international community. And even in a down year, you still got me 99% of the shit I needed and 95% of the shit I wanted.
Jason’s Take: I pay for Amazon Prime (because I find it hard not to), but often find myself selecting the longest shipping option possible, because no, I don’t need this “Nature’s Dicks 2022 Calendar” in the next 24 hours. To be honest, I’m still don’t understand the logistics of how that’s even possible.
(Editor’s note: the Nature’s Dicks 2022 Calendar is a real item Jason saw Brett order in our shared Amazon account. He has yet to explain himself. Judge for yourself.)
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2. Life-Saving Medicine
^Jason in a Cub Foods, receiving his vaccine a mere inches from a wide array of laxatives and over-the-counter cold medications.
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- Dicking around and accidentally writing number one hits (AKA… The Artistic Process)
Oh to be a fly on the wall as the greatest band of all time goes about their job. The Beatles – Get Back is the greatest illustration of the artistic process this Giltner has ever seen. It so accurately displays the sheer willpower necessary to create anything of value. Locking yourself into a room. Banging away at an instrument or a keyboard, willing yourself forward, fiddling around with whims, the barest of ideas, just hoping something will stick. Taking a full chunk of solid wood and whittling away, one chip at a time, until hopefully what’s left at the end proves in any way useful. The distractions. The boredom. The snacking. The fucking up and occasionally just yelling nonsense. It’s all there. Proof that even the greatest minds would’ve been susceptible in the modern day to procrastinating on Twitter when they were supposed to be writing.
Much has been made of the way Paul sits down and stumbles upon a number one hit. But until you see it with your own eyes, it’s hard to fully understand. Sometimes inspiration does strike. But if you’re not in the position to capitalize on it, that idea may just float away into the ether.
I learned more about each Beatle than I ever thought I would. There are many factors on display in this eight hours of film that conspire and twist into a vortex from which I couldn’t look away: John’s exhaustion and obvious drug usage; Paul, type-A, work-a-holic trying to step into the void left by John’s abdication of leadership; George’s inferiority complex coming to a head (He plays All Things Must Pass and nobody cares!), Ringo’s resignation to that which he cannot control. And of course, Director Michael Lindsay Hogg not being able to read a room.
Their shorthand way of communicating and working. Their inside jokes. Their occasionally cutting barbs to one another. It reminded me of… well, me and my brothers. God help us if the three of us ever had to be in a band together. It’s hard enough collaborating to write this blog once a year. But we usually get there in the end, one way or another. And so did the Beatles. Only, where the Fab Four give you Let It Be, the Giltner Bros give you Potatoes.
Jason’s note: That’s a cheap shot at my take on potatoes…
Speaking of things that didn’t suck. Peter Jackson take a bow. I, like many, had assumed your best days were behind you. After that truly awful finish to a highly disappointing Hobbit Trilogy and whatever the frick Mortal Engines was, I’d essentially written your career off for dead. But between the excellent WW1 doc They Shall Not Grow Old and Get Back, I guess you found your true calling — Recontextualizing decades old footage into spellbinding documentaries that literally alter the way we view history.
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Well, that’s it. That’s everything that didn’t suck about 2021. We dare you to find one other thing. WE. DARE. YOU. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR, COWARD?!?
The Giltner Bros Blog 